[LEXIE LEE] The Married Entrepreneurs Podcast is part of the Practice of the Practice network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you market and grow your business and yourself. To hear other podcasts like Bomb Mom and Grow A Group Practice, go to www.practiceofthepractice.com/network. [RON LEE] Welcome to the Married Entrepreneurs Podcast. This is Ron Lee. [LEXIE] And I am Lexie Lee. [RON] We are professional counselors and serial entrepreneurs who are married [LEXIE] To each other. [RON] Thank you for joining us as we explore the business of life and the life of business. [LEXIE] I am an entrepreneur. [RON] You sound like with a question mark in the back end of that. [LEXIE] It had a little bit of a question mark, less of a question mark today than in times past. [RON] Okay. Explain that because we’ve been grinding it out, self-employment for over like 20 years. [LEXIE] Yes. There’s been a little bit of imposter syndrome for me in saying I am an entrepreneur. Much easier for me to think about you being an entrepreneur because I think that you were born an entrepreneur [RON] That makes it sound like I dragged you into this lifestyle. [LEXIE] I wouldn’t say dragged. I would say that you helped my evolution into becoming an entrepreneur. [RON] Okay, I like that. That sounds very cool. [LEXIE] So, and part of that, I think that says, yes, there’s certain traits that maybe you’re born with and some traits you can acquire because I had to decide at some point, and I love that word decide. That means cutting off all other options. At some point I had to decide that I wanted this entrepreneur lifestyle. I think that that came from a willingness of having a growth mindset, as we’ve talked about before and yet at the same time there were lots of reasons why I could not own this idea of I am an entrepreneur because for me being an entrepreneur, I don’t know, well, I didn’t have the same parameters that I thought of you. For me, it was like, well, I don’t know Elon Musk, like, that’s the level that you have to be, or — [RON] Oh, so you were concentrating on the newer part? The man, no, it doesn’t work at all. Like you thought you were like a, being self-employed it was crappy, like, newer, on to putting man, no, it doesn’t work at all. [LEXIE] No. [RON] I was trying with a joke folk, and it did not work. Okay, on with the, so you just didn’t think you had the skills, but what do you think it was? [LEXIE] Well, it was like this elevated level that you had to be an expert or you had to have made a lot of money or all of these things that I wasn’t currently doing so how could I be this entrepreneur? [RON] Okay, so Elon Musk style or a Bill Gates or something like that has to, is the only people that can really, are showing that they’re entrepreneurs? [LEXIE] I didn’t say it was logical. [RON] Okay, good. Good, because it’s not. So how did you overcome this? [LEXIE] Well, it’s been a process and I think really part of it is one, recognizing that I’m a working process, that I don’t, I’m not going to suddenly wake up one day and go, oh, okay, now I’ve arrived. Now I’m an entrepreneur. That if I’m doing the things that entrepreneurs do, then I’m an entrepreneur. It doesn’t mean that I have accomplished everything. It’s a mindset. [RON] Agreed. [LEXIE] So part of how I have been dealing with this is really through affirmations. [RON] I hear affirmation. I’m thinking like compliments, you’re feeding yourself motivational speakers, affirmations. [LEXIE] Well, it’s really been the I am statements. I am an entrepreneur. When I just say it I am doing things that entrepreneurs do, therefore I am an entrepreneur versus, I don’t know — [RON] I think I got it. I got it. I think the other word you’re going to look for that describes the same personality type, but not as strongly is called self-employed. [LEXIE] Oh, yes. [RON] Because self-employed is actually what an entrepreneur is, but for some reason self-employed sounds like, well, I’m self-employed. What do you do? I pick up stuff on the side of the road and take it to the dump and get some metal from recycling metal. I’m self-employed [LEXIE] I don’t know that I would go there exactly but I understand what you’re saying. It felt easier to say I’m self-employed because I wasn’t working for someone else. I’m signing the paychecks, not somebody else. It’s a whole different level of I’m creating something that goes with, I’m an entrepreneur and I don’t feel like I have to create something and make something out of nothing in the same way if I’m self-employed as I do, if I’m an entrepreneur. [RON] I think I agree with you. I really do. I think that just the wording of that feels totally different. For the longest time I was able to say I was self-employed. When I was a dry cleaner, I looked at it and said I was self-employed, no big deal. I think it was in the counseling realm while I really started thinking of myself as an entrepreneur because it felt more like we’re building something that’s not there yet, which obviously counseling is there, but it just felt differently like a brick and mortar building and just seems self-employment compared to entrepreneur where you’re trying to develop programs and you’re developing things out of air that aren’t quite there yet or taking something that could be there and modifying it to your own thing, putting your own label on it, putting your own spin. Yes, so now you feel like an entrepreneur, you feel like you’re at that higher bracket of self-employment? [LEXIE] Yet, I’m a big definition person, so I just, while you were talking, did a Google, I know you were looking at me like, what are you doing when I’m talking? I looked up the definition of entrepreneur and it’s a person who organizes or operates a business or businesses taking on greater than normal financial risk in order to do so. So how is that different from self-employment? [RON] I don’t know. I think you’re going to have to Google another word here to be able to compare these two things. So let’s go ahead and Google up self-employment and see what you have there. I will make some random speaking noises until you’re back from your Google search. Guess we are filling dead airspace waiting for Lexie to come back. Here she goes. [LEXIE] Well, no, I’m still working on, it didn’t come up as easily as the other one. So self-employment is the state of working for oneself as a freelance or owner of a business rather than an employee. The only thing that was missing from the definition was where it said at financial risk, and yet self-employment is going to be financial risk. [RON] You’ve got to believe that. You start putting your name on documents for brick-and-mortar buildings. You’re taking on financial risk. [LEXIE] So I wonder, I don’t know, it’s just so interesting how say, and I’m self-employed was so easy to say that and own that and have that as an identity and yet have an entrepreneur as an identity felt like I was imposter saying that. [RON] I think when I hear entrepreneur, I think you own multiple identities. So that’s the way my brain hears the word. Now I’m not, that’s not definitional. We just read the definition off and it’s not that in my brain. So it’s one of those where say, let’s use Elon, he’s an easy target. Did the PayPal thing, did this thing, she has multiple irons in the fire compared to a dry cleaner. What are you, a dry cleaner? I own a dry clean business. I wash clothes, boom, I’m done. You may have employees, that’s all good, but I think it’s the different irons in the fire and mentality, like you’re doing multiple businesses or multiple — [LEXIE] Yet there’s a term for that. It’s a serial entrepreneur, so it’s a — [RON] So he’s killing it? [LEXIE] No, not a serial killer. [RON] No. [LEXIE] Just that you are doing it over and over again. But that’s not the definition of an entrepreneur but I’m with you in that’s like the part of the image that I had and not being able to call myself an entrepreneur because I didn’t have, I don’t have like all these tons of creative new ideas all at once. I mean, I do now because we — [RON] Because now we have like three different companies operating. [LEXIE] So technically now we are serial entrepreneurs but that — [RON] You’re killing it [LEXIE] Yes, that identity and being able to speak that and how that shifts when I say I’m an entrepreneur, how that feels different for me than I am self-employed. [RON] Does it give you a warm, fuzzy? [LEXIE] It gives me an empowered feeling. [RON] So what do you do with that empowered feeling? [LEXIE] I start knocking out even more limiting beliefs that prevent me from achieving all the things that I want to achieve. [RON] So let me get this right. You’re saying owning the label entrepreneur has spiked you to become more self-employed or has got you to the mindset of pushing deeper into the entrepreneur realm and becoming even more creative? [LEXIE] Yes. So that imposter syndrome was preventing me from fully being all that I could be under that label. [RON] All right, so let’s talk imposter syndrome real quick. I’m not sure we define that. [LEXIE] Okay, so imposter syndrome is this idea that you are faking it and that you’re not really qualified to operate as how you’re offering. A lot of people who are achieving high level things don’t believe that they deserve to be there, that they haven’t necessarily done enough work or they’re not smart enough. If people just really knew how hard things were for them, they would be like, ah, you don’t deserve to be whatever it is that you’re being. It is a lack of understanding that we all at times feel like okay, I’m just winging it. [RON] So one of the things that comes to my mind when you say this is a personality called narcissistic. I’m wondering how, if you have imposter syndrome, I don’t think you could be narcissistic because narcissistic says, you’re great. [LEXIE] I agree with that. [RON] So that’s going to be a great key if you’re sitting out there wondering if I’m narcissistic or if someone is. Do they have imposter syndrome? Because if they don’t feel like they belong, those two mental concepts don’t run hand in hand. [LEXIE] Yes, I can buy that. However, I would also say that it’s not good to have imposter syndrome either. It’s like that, maybe the opposite side of the coin and it’s not a coin that either of us should. [RON] Well, the best place to be would be the coin standing straight up where you have a little bit of both because both of those are going to push you to do greater things. You feel like you’re a bit of an imposter, but then you also feel like I can tackle it and do things. So I think that’s actually a decent mix because both of them keep you a little scared but keep you a little fighting. They keep you in the mix. [LEXIE] I have to think on that some, yes, and because I think the important thing is recognizing if you have some limiting belief, like I don’t deserve to be here or I don’t fit that definition, therefore I’m not an entrepreneur. [RON] What would you say to someone to get out of their disbelief? Would you give them a skill or a exercise to help them? [LEXIE] Okay, so first you have to as always identify that there is something that needs to change. Defining the problem. If we’re doing scientific mode, it just, you have to identify, okay, this is what’s going on and that’s not cool. Then once you recognize the limiting belief that you have, I think the affirmations can be an important part of it. Just starting to state I am. If you say that to yourself every morning, have a post-it note up on the mirror or something at your desk or just that constant reminder and you’re repeating to yourself, I am this, it goes back to that Zig Ziegler quote that I just love about who you are and where you are because of what goes into your mind. You can change who you are and where you are by changing what goes into your mind. So that’s what affirmations do. They change, garbage in, garbage out. So if we’re putting positive in, we’re going to be more likely to get positive out. [RON] Now one of the other things I saw that triggered for me when you were talking about it was a stance. They say sometimes if you’re like do the affirmation and you’re in front of the mirror and you do a superman stance, and the superman stance is your closed fist, hands on the hips like standing there, broad shoulder superman, I can take on the world, I got it all. So they say standing in front of a mirror for like two to three minutes every morning telling yourself these affirmations in a superman stance or the winning, like I’m a winner stance, like hands up like goal school. That also can help change your mindset. So I think those are both very interesting things. [LEXIE] I hadn’t thought about that in a while. Yet you’re right. Research shows that a superhero pose or stance as you said actually changes chemicals that it can decrease cortisol, which is your stress hormone and it can increase testosterone, which is what helps you to feel more powerful and like you can conquer the world. Yes, both men and women have testosterone. Men just have, I don’t know, like 27 times more than women do. However, it’s still the confidence hormone. It’s amazing how that mind body connection where if you take the pose of I’m powerful, that the chemicals change. So if you’re getting your body involved and doing that power pose and you’re also changing your thoughts by saying those affirmations about what you believe about yourself, but you also want to believe more about yourself, that’s what an affirmation is. Because you can’t lie to yourself. I can’t say I am six feet tall. That’s not an — [RON] That’s not going to happen. [LEXIE] So it has to be possible. It has to be something that’s believable that you have a small belief about, and then you can increase that by saying it on a regular basis. I think the other part of that is not just with the affirmation in the post, looking for the evidence that disputes the limiting belief. I’m an entrepreneur and the evidence of it is that I have done these things and I am currently doing these things [RON] But showing yourself that you are rising above your own limitations, standing in front of a mirror, go conquer the world, make notation of the things you’re trying to get done in life. You can do it people. You really can, you can change who you are and the way you think simply by changing who you are and the way you think by being purposeful. Go forth, slay the world. Have a great day. [LEXIE] Thank you for listening. Time is our most valuable resource and we appreciate that you shared your time listening to us. If you enjoyed our show, please rate us or give us a review. You can share this episode with someone that you think may benefit. You can find more from us at marriedentrepreneurspodcast.com. [RON] This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical, or any other professional information. If you want a professional, you should find one.